Random Life Thoughts

[tinyangl]

For Once!

Just wanted to type out some things that have happened/been on my mind lately.
My Age.
Beside the fact that I'm turning 20 soon, I usually ignore my age. Especially because I know I look a LOT younger than my age. I don't mind being thought of as 15 or 16 because it's COMMON for people to think that's how old I am. HOWEVER, yesterday night hit an ALL time low. I was with my dad, waiting for him to punch out when we see his co-worker and they get into a discussion. Of course, introductions are made. "Oh, this is my daughter. Youngest daughter." Blahblahblah and whatnot. Fine, normal. Co-worker man asks if my dad had a son (because I had pointed out after my father had stopped at "youngest" that I was the youngest DAUGHTER, because we can't get THAT wrong) and how old said son was. My dad answers this in a kinda round-about way and says that, oh, there are EIGHT years between me and my little brother. The conversation trails off from there and relates to why it took so long for my little brother to come about, which, hell, I don't want to hear about. But THEN. When the conversation goes a little quiet, co-worker man asks if my brother is FIVE. My dad corrects him and say that he's 11. A few minutes later, I try to figure out in my head why he thought my brother was five and I figured it out. He thought I was THIRTEEN.

......OMG. WTF?! I know I look bloody young, but 13? SERIOUSLY. It just freaked me out when I was sitting down and THINKING about it. Gah. Yeah, that made me feel insecure. But really, how illogical was THAT?! Why would a 13 year old be going to school in the city if she lives upstate. By that age, I'd still basically be in ELEMENTARY school. And, even if that DID make sense, why would my parents be okay with me being up at MIDNIGHT (which is when my dad gets off work)? Seriously. When I was 13, the latest they'd let me stay up was like 9... MAYBE 10. ~_~;; It just threw me for a loop and basically for the ENTIRE 30 - 45 minute ride home, that was all I thought about. Which leads me to my next thought.

My Hair.
The thing is I know that if I cut my hair shorter, I'll look older. By a LITTLE at least. (Well, that's what I've heard and what people have told me.) So of course, it's no surprise that I want to cut it again. But my GOD, my hair grows back so fast so usually I see it as pointless and that I'll just go back to young looking Desiree with the long hair. ~_~;; Yes, this is pointless. But I don't know. Should I cut my hair? I want to, but at the same time I could care less. XP (Like the rest of you. LOL.)


My Writing.
I have been literally BRAIN dead when it comes to my writing. I have a TON of projects I want to finish already and this doesn't even include actual fiction or fanfiction. Just writing things that'll end up being long. And it just hasn't worked. Like my brain hasn't been able to tap into that part of it in a LONG while. And related to fiction, I NEED to be able to write. For one thing, I want to write something original for my Books for Young Readers class, so that I won't end up having to write a freaking, boring paper. It's my FAVORITE class, so I want to put SOME effort into it. Right? Plus, I've been working on my original story for OVER a year now and have hit some sort of haitus again. XP I haven't updated for the past 2 months? o.O Which is bad because people were actually READING it on fictionpress. So I WANT to write... Really. I DO. But when I stare at the page before me and my hands type away. I always just backspace because I don't LIKE what I'm writing at all. T.T Ugh.

Which kinda connects to fanfiction. I have TWO stories that I've been planning on finishing and they're both so DRASTICALLY different from one another. One of them has been on my laptop for MONTHS and I can only pick it up every now and then to continue it. And last night, I wrote one section of it and pretty much want to trash it all now, because I felt like I was not only just filling space, but that I repeated myself too much and for that ONE section? I wanted it to have more of an impact. Gah. I'm rambling about something NOBODY else knows about/cares about? *sighs* And the other one is a newer one in which I feel like my characters are just OFF. Completely 100% off and I hate it when I don't have characterization down, because I'll end up CHUCKING the entire project. And considering the thought I put into it, I so don't wanna do it. ~_~;; It's reasons like those that I feel like I'll never be a good writer. *sighs*

My Fandoms.
Ugh. I think I've figured out why all my other fandoms other than JE have faded to the background. It's because I haven't watched anything related to them that could keep me interested. ~_~;; Seriously, I can't remember the last time I watched my television shows and that just depresses me because I MISS watching those shows. I do love my school schedule, but to be missing as many television shows as I am? I'm growing to dislike it more and more. And at this rate, this summer's going to be LET'S CATCH UP WITH ALL MY TELEVISION SHOWS. Which kinda speaks about how pathetic I am to be spending all of summer, indoors, watching television/on my laptop. ~_~;;

My School.
Then, there's SCHOOL. I have a test today in Calculus that I'm just basically dreading to no end. If I hadn't gotten a ZERO on the last quiz (which I STILL don't understand how I got because I was CONFIDENT during that quiz), I wouldn't be as nervous about it as I am now. But no, that freaking score threw me off to no end. And now, all I can think about is failing Calculus. AGAIN. One failure was ENOUGH, thank you very much. The thought of failing the same class related to my MAJOR is enough to make me just want to shoot myself.

And then there's a FRENCH test this friday that I'm totally just not prepared for. We went over homework in class yesterday and all I could do was stare as I got answer after answer just plain WRONG when we went over it. And now I'm dreading THIS test as well. Not to mention, my last test wasn't the greatest score ever. (I did pass, but still. I'm picky like that.) So yeah. I don't want to take this test. ...I just want to drop french altogether, but it's just not possible. Not with my schedule. *sighs again*

...Today was a depressing post. Stupid real life.

Meme.
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
*shrugs* Comment with answers and repost so I can comment on yours. ...I think that's how this works.


Blah. This was all just me basically ranting about various negatives of myself. Lovely.

Comments

[iana-tessizutto.livejournal.com]

1. Can you cook? Yea..but those simple dishes only..
2. What was your dream growing up? To be a singer..still dream of that!
3. What talent do you wish you had? Singing..
4. Favorite place? Um..my bedroom..lol..
5. Favorite vegetable? I don't really take vegetables..but carrots I guess.
6. What was the last book you read? A Korean Phrasebook..
7. What zodiac sign are you? Scorpio
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Only one on each ears..
9. Worst Habit? Biting my fingernails..
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? Um..nope..
11. What is your favorite sport? Soccer..
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Negative
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Spazz with ya!!LOL!
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Um..nothing yet..I guess..
15. Tell me one weird fact about you. I cried for Tegoshi Yuya twice..
16. Do you have any pets? Nope..
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? I think so..
18. What time is it where you are now? 11.24pm
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Cute!!
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? My lips..it is too big I think..
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? Partner in crime!!
22. What color eyes do you have? Brown..
23. Ever been arrested? Nope..
24. Bottle or Draft? Uh..I don't know what this is..
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? I would spend on the stuffs I want and donate some to Charity..
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? I don't really mind..
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? I never hang out at bar..
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Yea..
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Read or sing..
30. Do you swear a lot? I think so..
31. Biggest pet peeve? um..nothing..
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Crazy
33. In one word, how would you describe me? Sweet
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Yea..why not..

[rosevic87.livejournal.com]

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? :[
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? :]
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

[wnndy.livejournal.com]

hahah..omg..really funny xD
look at it at the positive side... when you're 50..you'll look like 30 or something.. i wish i looked like 13..xD
i'm now 17 and almost turning 18..and most people think i'm 20 or something..noo i don't like that xD.. that means i look old
and if you really want to look like your age and cutting your hair is working..i'd do it.. i mean, why not? eventhough i think long hair is more beautiful than short.. but everybody has different tastes :)

[smackalalala.livejournal.com]

I can definitely relate to you on both the age/hair thing & and writing thing. I think I finally look my age, but there were so many times when ppl thought I was so much younger than I was, & part of that was that I had really long hair. My junior year of college I finally cut it, & now I think I finally look like I'm 23.

And the writing thing... I have such a hard time writing sometimes. I started another NCIS fic the other night & it was just taking hours & all I have is like a page & a half. Writing is frustrating at times, but you have to keep plugging away. Good writing doesn't come out of nowhere. It takes a LOT of time & effort. I've been working for so many years & it's only recently, like this past summer, that I've thought it's been really good. So yeah, it's definitely a process. And it's not easy, but if you really love it, go for it.

[thinking-lotus.livejournal.com]

I never do memes, but I'll do it for you ;-)

As for age--I also look younger than my age, but everyone says, why does it bug you? It's a GOOD thing, when you're 40 you'll look 30, blah blah blah. SO I thought about it more analytically and realized it bothered me for 2 reasons:

- I felt like people weren't really seeing me, that they weren't paying attention to me, and that really annoyed me (because even though I look young, there's lots of clues that I'm older). So I felt as though people who got my age wrong were being stupid and thoughtless.

- I felt as though people who told me I seemed young meant that I was acting irresponsibly and immaturely, or like a big baby, and I hated that. Because I really am a grownup.

But, truthfully, I do have a young spirit and I probably always will. I like to play and have fun and even though I've gotten older and become an adult in lots of ways (college degree, marriage, etc.) I'm still kid-like in that way. So I try to think of my playful spirit as a positive, that I will never been old and cynical and boring and I will always have fun!

But it still annoys me if people ask me if I'm 16.

here's my meme thingie. Now am I supposed to re-post it on my journal? With or without answers?

1. Can you cook?
Yes, I can cook anything. Even if I've never made it before.

2. What was your dream growing up?
To get my pilot's license

3. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I was a good dancer

4. Favorite place?
NYC (still).

5. Favorite vegetable?
Brocolli! But I can't spell it.

6. What was the last book you read?
My Idea of Fun.

7. What zodiac sign are you?
Virgo.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
A few holes in my ears.

9. Worst Habit?
Wasting time.

10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
I doubt it.

11. What is your favorite sport?
Soccer.

12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
Optimistic

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Rationally plan how to get out.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
My father died.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
Everything about me is weird in one way or another ... I'm ambidextrous? I can't knit, even though I've tried to learn 3 times?


16. Do you have any pets?
Cats.

17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
Noooooooo.

18. What time is it where you are now?
6.28.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Scary.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
Taller.

21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
Depends on the crime.

22. What color eyes do you have?
Green.

23. Ever been arrested?
No.

24. Bottle or Draft?
SO much goes into this answer. Either or both.

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
Pay off my debts, save the rest.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
Hate gum.

27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
Don't go to bars.

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
No.

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Sleep!

30. Do you swear a lot?
Yes.

31. Biggest pet peeve?
People who are stupid and thoughtless and know it.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Intense.

33. In one word, how would you describe me?
Funny.

34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
OK.

*shrugs* Comment with answers and repost so I can comment on yours. ...I think that's how this works.

[thunder]

I kind of have it opposite with the age thing. Although I do look 18, I just feel really old. I have all these younger cousins-- and by that I mean they range from ONE to SIX years old. And every time I'm around them, I just feel the age gap, and it makes me feel like life is coming to an end soon; I'm about to expire, or some other weird crap like that, idek what I'm saying anymore. -_-

JE fandom is good enough by itself, isn't it? There is always something droolworthy to fangirl, LOL. XD


Speaking of TV shows, BONES IS BACK THIS WEEK, HOMG, FINALLY, YES. I feel like shooting FOX every time the bastards take it off air for their other gay shows. SCREW YOU, AMERICAN IDOL! D:

[shipless.livejournal.com]

OMG. ditto to everything you just said. I'm 19 and got mistaken for a junior high schooler by my haidresser. when I was 18 the receptionist at my dentist's office thought I was 12. and when I cut all my hair off last summer, it just gave my sisters cause to call my a little boy rather than a little girl. but I still like to think it's aged me a bit.

anyway, good luck on your tests! I haven't taken math in years (despite economics being one of my majors), but calculus was the source of much angst for me in high school. that was the only class that ever made me cry when I got a test back. people for whom calculus is easy are anomalies, total mutants. well, good luck again and I hope you feel better!

[kameringo.livejournal.com]

Hiya ^^ morning

Sorry to hear you were down........... probably was one of those days :(

Re the age issue, I am older than you, in my mid-20s (almost late 20s, depending on how you see it) and people often think I'm much younger. Recently someone younger than me guessed my age to be 17, which I find worse than someone older thinking I'm young......... But actually, now that I really am fairly old, I quite like being mistaken as a teenager. So I know you've probably heard this a thousand billion times, but it will get better and you might grow to like it one day ^^

Of course, if you take the fact that you're often thought of as younger than you are as some sort of sign that people aren't taking you seriously, or indication that they will undermine you, then you probably will always resent looking younger than you are. For me, that's not a problem because I am quite assertive and have learnt to stand my ground.

[kameringo.livejournal.com]

Okay, I shall now do your meme. I've never done one before; do I stick it in my own LJ after?

1. Can you cook? Yup, I'm really good at using up leftover ingredients.
2. What was your dream growing up? To be successful.
3. What talent do you wish you had? To be able to dance really well.
4. Favorite place? Paris.
5. Favorite vegetable? Yam. It's a root veggie isn't it? Still considered a veg right?
6. What was the last book you read? First book in the Bartimaeus Trilogy.
7. What zodiac sign are you? Capricorn.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? No tattoos, one piercing on each ear.
9. Worst Habit? Procrastinating.
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? Nope.
11. What is your favorite sport? Tennis
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Depends. I'm very moody.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Have a great big chat. Probably share whatever snacks I happen to have in my bag ^^
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Working for one whole year at a very evil place and have the people and firm totally sap me of all my confidence.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you. I can do thai massage.
16. Do you have any pets? No. But my parents have two golden retrievers and I love them to bits!!
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? God forbid, no.
18. What time is it where you are now? 11.01am
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Neither, just quite annoying and not at all funny like they're meant to be.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Bigger eyes.
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? Depends on the crime really. But mostly partner in crime I'd say.
22. What color eyes do you have? Brown.
23. Ever been arrested? Nope!
24. Bottle or Draft? Don't drink lager.
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Buy a holiday!
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? Don't chew gum. I like Smint.
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? Various, but a classy one with an extensive cocktail menu would be fab. Although those tend to be poncey and I don't like prats.
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Kind of...
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Watch dorama!
30. Do you swear a lot? Too much.
31. Biggest pet peeve? Punctuation and grammatical errors, especially on road signs, or book titles etc.
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Unpredictable.
33. In one word, how would you describe me? Sweet.
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Yup.