Random Life Thoughts

[tinyangl]

For Once!

Just wanted to type out some things that have happened/been on my mind lately.
My Age.
Beside the fact that I'm turning 20 soon, I usually ignore my age. Especially because I know I look a LOT younger than my age. I don't mind being thought of as 15 or 16 because it's COMMON for people to think that's how old I am. HOWEVER, yesterday night hit an ALL time low. I was with my dad, waiting for him to punch out when we see his co-worker and they get into a discussion. Of course, introductions are made. "Oh, this is my daughter. Youngest daughter." Blahblahblah and whatnot. Fine, normal. Co-worker man asks if my dad had a son (because I had pointed out after my father had stopped at "youngest" that I was the youngest DAUGHTER, because we can't get THAT wrong) and how old said son was. My dad answers this in a kinda round-about way and says that, oh, there are EIGHT years between me and my little brother. The conversation trails off from there and relates to why it took so long for my little brother to come about, which, hell, I don't want to hear about. But THEN. When the conversation goes a little quiet, co-worker man asks if my brother is FIVE. My dad corrects him and say that he's 11. A few minutes later, I try to figure out in my head why he thought my brother was five and I figured it out. He thought I was THIRTEEN.

......OMG. WTF?! I know I look bloody young, but 13? SERIOUSLY. It just freaked me out when I was sitting down and THINKING about it. Gah. Yeah, that made me feel insecure. But really, how illogical was THAT?! Why would a 13 year old be going to school in the city if she lives upstate. By that age, I'd still basically be in ELEMENTARY school. And, even if that DID make sense, why would my parents be okay with me being up at MIDNIGHT (which is when my dad gets off work)? Seriously. When I was 13, the latest they'd let me stay up was like 9... MAYBE 10. ~_~;; It just threw me for a loop and basically for the ENTIRE 30 - 45 minute ride home, that was all I thought about. Which leads me to my next thought.

My Hair.
The thing is I know that if I cut my hair shorter, I'll look older. By a LITTLE at least. (Well, that's what I've heard and what people have told me.) So of course, it's no surprise that I want to cut it again. But my GOD, my hair grows back so fast so usually I see it as pointless and that I'll just go back to young looking Desiree with the long hair. ~_~;; Yes, this is pointless. But I don't know. Should I cut my hair? I want to, but at the same time I could care less. XP (Like the rest of you. LOL.)


My Writing.
I have been literally BRAIN dead when it comes to my writing. I have a TON of projects I want to finish already and this doesn't even include actual fiction or fanfiction. Just writing things that'll end up being long. And it just hasn't worked. Like my brain hasn't been able to tap into that part of it in a LONG while. And related to fiction, I NEED to be able to write. For one thing, I want to write something original for my Books for Young Readers class, so that I won't end up having to write a freaking, boring paper. It's my FAVORITE class, so I want to put SOME effort into it. Right? Plus, I've been working on my original story for OVER a year now and have hit some sort of haitus again. XP I haven't updated for the past 2 months? o.O Which is bad because people were actually READING it on fictionpress. So I WANT to write... Really. I DO. But when I stare at the page before me and my hands type away. I always just backspace because I don't LIKE what I'm writing at all. T.T Ugh.

Which kinda connects to fanfiction. I have TWO stories that I've been planning on finishing and they're both so DRASTICALLY different from one another. One of them has been on my laptop for MONTHS and I can only pick it up every now and then to continue it. And last night, I wrote one section of it and pretty much want to trash it all now, because I felt like I was not only just filling space, but that I repeated myself too much and for that ONE section? I wanted it to have more of an impact. Gah. I'm rambling about something NOBODY else knows about/cares about? *sighs* And the other one is a newer one in which I feel like my characters are just OFF. Completely 100% off and I hate it when I don't have characterization down, because I'll end up CHUCKING the entire project. And considering the thought I put into it, I so don't wanna do it. ~_~;; It's reasons like those that I feel like I'll never be a good writer. *sighs*

My Fandoms.
Ugh. I think I've figured out why all my other fandoms other than JE have faded to the background. It's because I haven't watched anything related to them that could keep me interested. ~_~;; Seriously, I can't remember the last time I watched my television shows and that just depresses me because I MISS watching those shows. I do love my school schedule, but to be missing as many television shows as I am? I'm growing to dislike it more and more. And at this rate, this summer's going to be LET'S CATCH UP WITH ALL MY TELEVISION SHOWS. Which kinda speaks about how pathetic I am to be spending all of summer, indoors, watching television/on my laptop. ~_~;;

My School.
Then, there's SCHOOL. I have a test today in Calculus that I'm just basically dreading to no end. If I hadn't gotten a ZERO on the last quiz (which I STILL don't understand how I got because I was CONFIDENT during that quiz), I wouldn't be as nervous about it as I am now. But no, that freaking score threw me off to no end. And now, all I can think about is failing Calculus. AGAIN. One failure was ENOUGH, thank you very much. The thought of failing the same class related to my MAJOR is enough to make me just want to shoot myself.

And then there's a FRENCH test this friday that I'm totally just not prepared for. We went over homework in class yesterday and all I could do was stare as I got answer after answer just plain WRONG when we went over it. And now I'm dreading THIS test as well. Not to mention, my last test wasn't the greatest score ever. (I did pass, but still. I'm picky like that.) So yeah. I don't want to take this test. ...I just want to drop french altogether, but it's just not possible. Not with my schedule. *sighs again*

...Today was a depressing post. Stupid real life.

Meme.
1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
*shrugs* Comment with answers and repost so I can comment on yours. ...I think that's how this works.


Blah. This was all just me basically ranting about various negatives of myself. Lovely.

Comments

[tinyangl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get that reaction too. "Why do you not like looking younger?" Because it's IRRITATING. I already hate to have to point out my age in the first place. So why would I like having to correct people in the first place. XP

And yeah, you post it in your journal and the other people would comment and yeah. Without answers. Yeah. XP I'll comment on yours if/when you post. ^_^